By Tim Hurley, Mercy Hospice Family Support Team Leader
We all know that men and women are different. Some differences are obvious, others are not. While it’s important not to stereotype either gender, it’s also important to understand that both men and women have their unique tendencies as to how they look, act, talk, think and feel. So, how are men both genetically inclined and generally taught to behave in ways that are regarded as masculine?
Some physical differences are already shaped at birth. For example, the male brain is different from the female brain. The division between the right and left hemispheres of the brain, the corpus callosum, is often smaller in men and it may contain fewer neural connectors than a women’s brain. One theory is that this can limit how quickly and easily a man can process information between the hemispheres. That’s really important when it comes to change and loss issues, as one side of the brain specialises in processing emotions and the other side in processing thoughts. Having fewer neural connectors may mean that men are at a physical disadvantage when it comes to having quick access to their emotions, it can take them a little longer to do that.
Another physical difference is the hormone prolactin which is produced by the pituitary gland. Prolactin is instrumental in the formation of emotional tears, without a good supply of prolactin, it’s difficult to cry. Both sexes produce a similar amount of prolactin while young, but once they have reached puberty, males produce significantly less. Therefore, many men are programmed by their bodies to cry less.
A third variable is serotonin, a chemical produced by the brain that influences our moods. A deficit in serotonin can result in depression. Studies have shown that men tend to produce serotonin at a faster rate than women. Consequently, men may be less susceptible to episodes of depression that sometimes accompany change and loss.
Men are also shaped by the way they are raised and boys are much more likely to be discouraged from crying or expressing many emotions when they are young. This is often reinforced by verbal messages to boys and by the models they are given to follow, usually other boys and father figures, both in real life and through the media. However, one emotion that is given a degree of leeway is anger.
When relating to a man who is dealing with loss and change, keep an open mind and an accepting attitude. Have an inquiring spirit and believe there are reasons he is behaving the way he is and you’ll be in a better position to understand. Remember that his approach may be different from yours but that’s all it is, different. It deserves confirmation.
Do you have any stories about the men in their lives and their reactions? Let us know in the comments.
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